dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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