i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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