that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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