it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We had to coat check the pizza.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
