i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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