wrigley field is MILF paradise
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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