why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I love having hate sex.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
