She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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