On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I had to cum in my sink.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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