she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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