i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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