Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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