Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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