jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
God I need to hump something, right now.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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