So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
