Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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