you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
