FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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