sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I can't put those talents on a resume
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
