I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
