My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
