you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
