Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I intend to get homeless drunk
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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