sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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