Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
it glows. i had to have it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
