Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
