got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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