I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
