Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
