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I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I need to stop coming to work sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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