i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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