awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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