The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Enjoy the penises
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
