I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
