I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
