My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
