I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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