I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
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We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
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When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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