Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Randomize
