Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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