Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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