i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
