What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
