hotel room ftw
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
