What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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