Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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