Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
