I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
