The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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