She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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