now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
