I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
