the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize