There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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