Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
