I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
