You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
