im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
