Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
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Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
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The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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