I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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