Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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