My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
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I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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