my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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